I would like to just say that at this point, I'm just tired.
I mean, not completely worn out and dead or anything, but I'm tired. All of this schoolwork and this stress; it just really runs me down, you know? I don't know why I'm being so unmotivated. Like, I'll do what I'm supposed to do eventually, but that usually means at the last minute. Then I really test my patience. And it's annoying. This hasn't really happened to this extent before. I've always been relatively focused and able to easily complete my homework and projects and whatnot before, say, the morning of the due date without much of a problem, but now it's like, I don't know. I'm just really unmotivated, I guess. I don't want to get into the details or anything, but I'm just so tired.
It must be my summer attitude carrying over into the school year. Yeah, that must be it. Haha, I was so lazy in the summer. Those were good days, golden days. Like, actually golden because the sun hits everything and everything had a golden tinge. I was so relaxed. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. The only thing that really bothered me were the WiFi restrictions. I'm not "responsible enough," according to my parents, so they control the amount of time that I'm online. I mean, I guess I understand their logic, but it really holds me back sometimes. During the summer, it was from 12:00 to about 4:30, but I had to share this time with my little sis sometimes. She had ping pong on most days, but when she didn't, I had to share. It was kind of annoying. She'd bug me and remind me in the last seconds of my WiFi time that it was going to be her turn very soon. It was horrible when I was trying to do my summer assignment. I say trying because most of the time, I just opened up my assignment, and just kind of sat there while I did other things. Like eat. And watch TV. And just be hedonistic overall. Do the things that I knew that I wouldn't have time for during the school year.
Speaking of which, the school year. Oh my. I can't wait for midterms and finals and AP exams and whatnot to start rolling in. I was talking to a friend of mine today, Iris, from Purple Lambs Will Fly, about this. I realized that I would have to take my APUSH and AP Calc AB midterms on the same day. Ugh, that's going to be a pain. I know the other subjects will be easier, though. I mean, physics is just "plug and chug," bio is just remembering a bunch of different things that fit together like a puzzle, APLAC is a whole ton of writing, and French is... Well, French. So I'm okay for the other subjects. Just APUSH and AP Calc AB are worrying me. Two of my hardest midterms on the same day. Man, I really deserve a break. I should just chill off and not care sometimes. But if I do that, I'll sacrifice my grades. I can't afford that. I have to "get into college in order to get a job in order to buy living essentials in order to survive and maybe even get married in the process, in which case, I'll probably have children and then I'd have to provide for my children too."
Ugh. I'm just so tired.